I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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