well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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