Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to fling myself into the sun
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
