I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
