after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
