yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
soo... how was my night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
