I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
