she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My dick has a subreddit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
