God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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