The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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