NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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