That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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