So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
