I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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