I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize