I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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