We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
