Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry my hands just texted you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
