oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
