what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
