he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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