are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
