How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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