Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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