Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
