i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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