New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
