She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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