oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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