My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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