Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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