By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
