Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
