Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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