No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
