I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
