My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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