I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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