So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
