Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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