so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
