I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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