I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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