I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
