I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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