ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize