I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
