walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
