her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
