im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
