I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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