I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
