I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
