shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
