Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
