She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
