guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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