problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize