He is such a slut. More and more my type.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
