he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
