No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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