Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
