after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
