I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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