I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he fucked my hip out of place.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
did you just send me my own nude
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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