I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
