I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
