Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
