you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
