When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
