if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
